My Personal Diary...duh

2/9/10
 
uh..never hated this life like this ever before..I mean how the fuck did I end up being like this..this is not what I wanted me to be..this is not how I pictured myself at the age of 25 :(

what the fuck went wrong ?  I hate EVERYTHING...EVERY FUCKING THING IN MY LIFE :((((((

why the fuck is nothing going on right..not even one damn thing ? :(

oh God...I am feeling sooo blue :((  I got no boyfriend, I got no fucking real friends, all are sooo fucking selfish
..HATE them all ...my sis is such a bitch..she's born for just one reason..make my life HELL...

Mom Dad..you both never ever understood my feelings and never EVER will :(((  I love you both and always will...but hell I wish I could say to you the things I always wanted to say..share my feelings...tell you what I want..what I like :(
still love you two....

God is there ever going to be someone who will ever understand me ?? understand how I truly feel ?  :(

and genuinely care for me and love me ?  love and respect is all I am asking for ..is that too much ? :(

God I feel pathetic...feel like dieing but I don't want to..crap :/

so what the fuck do I do ? can't take  this anymore :(
this is crazy..even the ugliest of bitches out there have someone special in their lives..even the fattest of all are getting married and here I am single as I always been ..single all my fucking life...god how frustrating

can't do what I want..can't live life on my own terms, I HATE tthese fucking rules this damn society imposes...
why the fuck is it soo hard to break away and be free...live my fucking life the way I want for once ?  :(

I feel like running away ..far far away from everything..every damn thing ..

Could this get any worse ? its the hardest part of my life and hell its driving me insane..I just don't fucking know what I want from this life..what I wanna be..where I wanna be..with whom I wanna be..where the is life taking me and crap I have turned frigging 25 now :((((((((((

I will be 30 in no time and then everything will be even worse........standing no where in life..no respect..no love..no nothing :(

how the fuck did I become like this ? this is not what I used to be some years back :((((((((
I was such an innocent happy soul ..wanting good for everyone..had big dreams, a will to reach the top and show the world who I am....where is that damn spirit of mine gone I wonder...I just don't feel like doing anything at all..yet I want everything fucking thing in my life..hell I want it ALL  :((
I want a loving boyfriend who loves me like crazy..I want power..I want fame..I want respect..I want money..I want happiness for my family..I want peace of mind..I want a goal in life :(



 why is everything soooo damn negative around me ? God help me pleaseeeee :((((

please show me a ray of hope..not able to take this anymore..I am breaking down ...I keep fooling myself saying things will turn out good soon..you will find love..you will be respected..but WHEN ??????

WHEN are these miseries gonna end ??  When will I be happy again ? :(

its like everyone around me has an awesome love life and career but me...I have missed out on soooo many things life had to offer :(

When is my life gonna change for good ?